drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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