Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
