Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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