Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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