OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
