I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
