textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
