I seem to have left my pride at pride
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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