How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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