Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
