I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
