Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
