I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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