was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
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She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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