I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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