after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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