I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i drank out of a bidet.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
