I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
