he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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