I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
