I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
why is half of my head shaved?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
