So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
