So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
