i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So many bounce houses so little time
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
