I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
