How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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