The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
