i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
