Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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