I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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