i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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