the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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