I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
