from now on my penis is your penis
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
