My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
