everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
