youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
