She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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