so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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