I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
