apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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