Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i love accidental penises.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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