'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
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