who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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