Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
