I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
