Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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