You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
