The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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