My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
