Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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