we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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