Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Every concussion has its silver lining
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING