No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
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True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.