he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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