Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
