3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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