I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
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so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.