It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since