I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
