Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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