At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Semen is not good for contacts.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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