you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
