it was like his penis was on wheels.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No stitches, just platelets and will power
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just gift wrapped bread.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Randomize
