i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
OPIZZABONMYDICK
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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