We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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