What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
