i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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