Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
