I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
