Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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