there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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