Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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