what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
