i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she told me i tasted like america
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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