I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
