At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
