i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
