he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
