I'm really into asian looking animals
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
