apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
