So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
