direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
