No, drunk sperm still make babies.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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