Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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