I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I looked at my own cervix.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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