have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
